Wednesday, December 31, 2014
The Disappearing Girl Sale and Healthier Thinking for the New Year's
At the start of the New Year, I know a lot of thought goes into weight loss and getting back in shape. I'm all for healthy habits, but for those who are suffering from an eating disorder, this time of year can be a difficult one. I'm putting The Disappearing Girl on sale for the new year and I wanted to share a little bit of the backstory to the novel.
When I was in high school, some really ugly stuff was going on in my life. I won't get into specifics because I'd never want to hurt anyone by sharing my story, but it was very a dark period for me. All this bad stuff was going on around me and I felt that I had no control over anything. For the most part, I'd been thin in middle school, but I found my weight going up in high school. I was a stress eater and I turned to food for solace since I felt I had no one else there for me in my life.
I can remember the first time I made myself vomit. I had overeaten at lunch and went into the school's bathroom and shoved my fingers into my throat. I remember thinking how easy it was. The food would come out just as easy as it went in. I could binge and never worry about gaining a pound.
I never considered myself bulimic or thought I suffered from an eating disorder. I would only throw up from time to time, so I never realized what I was doing was unhealthy or could be a problem. And until I gained perspective over what was happening, I didn't consider that the times I was throwing up was during times of stress.
The thing about bulimia is that throwing up your food is hard to keep a secret. There was a lot of lingering in the bathroom, running the water in hopes no one would hear me gagging, trying to clean away the evidence off my face and hands. I would try to look at myself in the mirror after and I couldn't do it. I felt myself rotting from the inside out.
This behavior went on for years, well until I finished college. I think a big turning point for me was my husband (at the time boyfriend) catching me as I threw up a particular big meal on vacation. I was ashamed of who I had become and what I was willing to do to my body. After I became pregnant with my first child, I decided I'd never risk my health in that way again.
But the thing is those mixed up feelings about weight and food never go away. They linger and I still struggle all the time to not become obsessive about my weight. There's always this deep drive to try the latest fad diet or pick up a new bottle of weight loss supplements. I have to always take a step back and give myself a mental pep talk in order to get my thinking back on track.
Writing The Disappearing Girl was therapeutic and I'm happy with myself right now. I exercise (but keep it fun) and I'm trying to incorporate healthy recipes into my family diet's instead of strict diet plans.
In short, I wanted to make it clear that The Disappearing Girl has the most of me in it. All those emotions Kayla goes through as she suffers from an eating disorder came from my own personal experience. My intent was to be honest and hopefully reach women and men who are possibly going through the same issues I had.
The Disappearing Girl is on sale for 99 Cents through the weekend on Amazon.com and Amazon UK. Links:
The graphic at the top was done by a blogger and very talented graphic artist named Georgina. You can check out her blog and design portfolio here: http://www.whatshereads.co.uk/category/what-georgie-did/